Every parent has expectations from their children, but some have unreasonable expectations. These expectations are formed unconsciously from our own wants and desires. Often parents want to see their children achieve what they themselves couldn’t. This is an unreasonable expectation. It is not necessary that your child will have the same talent and aptitude that you may want him to have.
The key is to have positive and reasonable expectations for your children. How do you establish a set of positive child discipline expectations? How do you know if your child discipline expectation is even reasonable? These aren’t easy questions to answer.
To come to any reasonable conclusion about the reasonableness of your expectations you will have to do some research – inside and outside. Outside, compare your expectations with others; don’t compare your children with other’s children. Look into what the established child behavior guidelines are for your child’s age. If a child at one is not expected to construct a full sentence, don’t expect it from your child.
When you decide whether an expectation you have for you child is reasonable, you have to be as objective as possible. Look into what the established child behavior guidelines are for your child’s age. If the established guideline is that children don’t develop full sentence speech till they are at least a year old, expecting a full sentence out of your six-month old isn’t a responsible expectation.
Children cannot be compared, and it is one of the most common mistakes parents make when they compare their child with the neighbor’s. If your child happens to be average in studies, try your best to help him improve but learn to accept it. All children are not born to be geniuses. Your child might have some other talent; look for it and develop that instead of harping on grades.
Having unreasonable expectations of your children leads you to disappointment and your children to feeling like they can’t measure up. Neither of these situations is positive and should be avoided since they tend to lead to child behavioral problems.
Of course, you must set reasonable expectations in child behavior or child discipline in different areas. After that you should formulate a set of goals and hold to them. Let your child know when he meets those expectations by rewarding him. This will help you take him further on the road to success, but at his pace, not yours.
Often times, having had the success of reaching and meeting the first expectation, your children will be able to meet that higher expectation. The biggest thing to remember is to not push your desires onto your children. If you were never good in sports but you wanted to be the star athlete of your school, to make that dream come true, don’t push your child to be a superstar against his or her will. Also, don’t force your child into athletics just because he or she is good at it. That’s placing your expectations from your past onto your children. That only creates a negative environment, child behavior problems and child discipline issues. Reasonable expectations promote growth and positive self image and are an essential parenting skill.
If you have young children then the chances are you will have had to endure the sometimes cringe-worthy temper tantrums they sometimes throw. It can cause other people present to laugh at the sight of your child rolling around the floor screaming because they cannot fit something in a hole or because you will not let them have a sweet or be able to do something. But it is embarrassing for the parent.
The amusement from the first couple of incidences will soon turn to the parent being perplexed by the tantrums. Mainly from not being able to know what to do to prevent the child from having a tantrum or not knowing what to do to once in the throes of one.
You may have to deal with the tantrum differently when out in public or at someone else’s house. Whereas at home you may send them to their bedroom or to a quiet place, there will not be this option if at the shops or a house they are not familiar with.
Blowing your top and screaming at your child will inflame the situation and may cause your child’s tantrum to get worse! So take a deep breath and speak slowly and calmly, rather than shouting. Try to reason with your child rather than throwing your weight around, you are much bigger and they may feel intimidated.
Conversely, if you respond by being overly concerned by it, they may in the future use tantrums as a way of gaining your attention as they are going to be assured of a response or reaction from you.
It is far easier to stop the tantrum before it escalates too much then to stop a full blown one. If your child is a toddler then try to distract them and take their focus away for their source of anger.
Stick to your guns. If they are having a tantrum because you would not let them do something, the worst thing to do is to give in and then let them have it, just so that the tantrum stops. This will teach them that you will give them what they want if they misbehave.
For preschool children, taking time out or getting them to sit in the corner of a quiet room or bottom step of the stairs can be an effective way to resolve the tantrum. Make them sit there for a minute or so, not too long or they will not remember why they have been put there.
If you wish you can make older children sit there for a slightly longer time, perhaps till they have calmed down and worked out what they did wrong. This will not work for toddlers as their memory is not as developed.
Whichever method of stopping the tantrums you use, you must always explain to the child, no matter what their age, why they cannot throw a tantrum and the reasons you have told them off or made them take time out. Once your child learns that their tantrum will not get them anywhere they will soon stop them.
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