Toddler Advice – Working With Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are a common problem that parents often encounter in toddlers. Many parents are having trouble dealing with these tantrums. If you are one of these parents, then what you need is good toddler advice on how to deal with these temper tantrums properly.

First thing that you should do is try to ignore these tantrums every time they appear. Ignoring the tantrums may not be easy to do though, especially when you’re in public place. When in a public place, you might find the need to stop the tantrums immediately. But ignoring it would be one of the best options for you under such circumstances. If you do not pay attention to the tantrums, your toddler will eventually get bored and find no need for the tantrums. If you do not ignore it, there’s a risk that your toddler might be motivated to throw them because some toddlers throw tantrums in order to get attention.

It is very important to remember that your child is treating you as a role model. If you’re the kind of parent who easily lose patience, then your children may have adopted those temper tantrums from you. Keep in mind that if you’re not going to keep your cool, and have the tendency to yell or shout in front of your child, then he will have the tendency to do the same thing. And so ignore the unhealthy reactions and model positive ones. Keeping your cool, taking your time, and being patient with your child would be a good way to start. The more you model positive attitudes, the more your child will have the tendency to follow them and reject the unhealthy ones.

Another approach is by using what the experts call as “time outs.” Time outs work in such a way that a parent temporarily withdraws his or her affection from the child for a certain period of time. Using this approach, you are relaying to him the message that you are not going to listen to his tantrums and complaints. You are telling him that you are ignoring his tantrums and that he must refrain from those tantrums if he wants you to listen to him.

Temper tantrums can be difficult to deal with but all you ever really need is a toddler advice on how to deal with them appropriately. You need to help your child grow up into a good individual and discouraging his temper tantrums would be a good place to start.

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There Are Two Types Of Temper Tantrums:

All of my first five children threw temper tantrums. When my fifth baby turned fourteen months old, I found out what I needed to in order to change my parenting style and prevent any more temper tantrums from him. He was forever free of temper tantrums within a week or so of my implementing the changes. After this I used my newly found techniques with each additional baby I had, all eight of them from birth on, effectively preventing tantrums. Not one of them ever had a temper tantrum, not even the two that had ADHD, or the one of them that had very strong Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This daughter, as a young adult, stated, “I was an extremely defiant child, yet, through all the years my mother and I struggled over who was going to be in charge, I simply loved how she responded to my anger.”

When I help other parents use my concepts to totally eliminate and totally prevent temper tantrums in their own children, I begin by teaching them the difference between Type-One and Type-Two tantrums. It’s quite important to know what kind of tantrums one is trying to eliminate, because Type-Two temper tantrums need additional parenting techniques besides those needed in general for Type-One and Type-Two.

A Type-One temper tantrum is really just a true expression of anger that has escalated to a point of rage, perhaps to the extreme, and possibly to the maximum. This is out-of-control anger (or almost so). This kind of tantrum happens when something comes along to naturally make the child angry.

A Type-Two temper tantrum is not only an expression of anger (which might be fake, genuine, exaggerated, or unexaggerated) but it’s also a conscious and deliberate attempt to manipulate or intimidate the caregiver. This type of temper tantrum occurs when a child isn’t given what she or he wants.

“Expert” temper tantrum advice has historically included a healthy amount of “ignore the tantrums.” Actually, I should say an unhealthy amount, because that is faulty advice that I steadfastly followed when I was initially parenting my first five children. I did learn, ultimately, by eliminating the temper tantrums of my fifth child, that the process of ignoring tantrums was partly what was causing them. In fact, I believe that ignoring tantrums almost guarantees they will recur. Certainly, there are additional factors in the total prevention and total elimination of tantrums from the behavioral repertoires of children. These are elaborated on in my discussion of my methods, which I call, “Infant Anger Management.” But it all begins with parents ending their ignoring-the-tantrums behaviors.

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ADHD Children: Tantrums Are Optional

What is today called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD, has been a recognized condition, albeit perceived in many ways, for likely hundreds of years. Stimulants have been used for treating it for more than seven decades now. However, about fifteen years ago, I still believed that ADHD wasn’t real and that it might just an excuse for lazy parenting.

But then, in spite of my denial, my first two kids from my second marriage developed into pre-teens and developed problems in completing their school assignments, even as otherwise excellent students. These two children had always resisted doing anything they didn’t like doing, and they had never cooperated by doing their fair allotment of the household chores as my older ten children had. Their floundering at school, though, was what caused me to belatedly get them in for thorough assessments, resulting in positive diagnoses for ADHD and ADD.

The younger of the two kids, my daughter, had ADHD, plus she was Oppositional Defiant (ODD). Lots of parents with ODD kids apparently “give up” on them, letting the children take charge of themselves. I couldn’t do that with my daughter, even though I felt like it, because it would have put her at even more risk in the community. But it was hugely challenging to stay “in charge” of her because of her constant resistance. My son’s ADD was without the hyperactivity aspect, and his symptoms were much less “in my face” than my daughter’s. In adulthood, he doesn’t think he had ADD. I’m convinced of it, though, and also that their father had it. My first ten children (from my first marriage) were all non-ADHD, and these two children went through very thorough ADHD assessments. I was so frustrated by the challenges they presented that I was willing to medicate them, but they were unwilling because they disliked the side effects of every medication they tried.

During a discussion I had with this son when he was a teenager-at a time I was highly frustrated because of his behaviors-I stated an observation that just then occurred to me. He didn’t laugh, so I assumed he didn’t appreciate the humor in my emphatic remark, “You, my son, are the second most annoying person that I’ve ever given birth to.” He was. And his ADHD sister was definitely the first. For many years I despaired of them actually learning enough of the life skills I was teaching them so they could thrive, but they’re both doing quite well now.

My ADHD children were the same as my later non-ADHD children when it came to tantrums. My first five babies all threw them…but the last eight didn’t. The fifth, at fourteen months, was cured roughly a week after I found out what I needed to change in my parenting style. What I learned about preventing tantrums with my fifth baby worked equally well will both of my ADHD children as it did with the rest. I believe parents can have tantrum-free ADHD children, too.

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Dealing With Temper Tantrums

Toddlers throw temper tantrums from time to time and some are really good at it. If you happen to have the knack for parenting you will be able to stop a temper tantrum almost as soon as it has started. Many parents will try to stop the temper tantrum right away by giving in to whatever the child is having the temper tantrum about. However it is best to let the temper tantrum go through the steps it needs to take.

When a child is between the ages of two to five years old, temper tantrums will start. Prior to putting a halt on temper tantrums you will first need to figure out why they have started. First and foremost you should keep in mind that your toddler might be hungry, toddlers eat less and more frequently then an adult. You need to show by modeling that temper tantrums are not productive. It is also a good thing to let your toddler have some different options to let them feel as thought they have the control this should prevent some temper tantrums.

If a temper tantrum erupts for no good reason it is best to ignore the child as much as possible, as long as they are not harming themselves or anybody around them. When you are doing this it will make you feel as though you are not a great parent but it will have your child feel as though they are not getting anywhere with their tantrum. If you keep this up the temper tantrums will soon get shorter every time until eventually they will stop completely. If you react to the temper tantrum by giving in every time your toddler will feel as though this is what they need to do to get what they want. You need to be the boss, not your child.

Over time your child’s temper tantrums should stop. If not you and your child should see a doctor about your child’s behavior. There might be some medical reason why your child is acting this way.

Tantrums can be annoying. However, they need to be handled with patience.

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Have Reasonable Expectations of Your Children’s Behavior

Every parent has expectations from their children, but some have unreasonable expectations. These expectations are formed unconsciously from our own wants and desires. Often parents want to see their children achieve what they themselves couldn’t. This is an unreasonable expectation. It is not necessary that your child will have the same talent and aptitude that you may want him to have.

The key is to have positive and reasonable expectations for your children. How do you establish a set of positive child discipline expectations? How do you know if your child discipline expectation is even reasonable? These aren’t easy questions to answer.

To come to any reasonable conclusion about the reasonableness of your expectations you will have to do some research – inside and outside. Outside, compare your expectations with others; don’t compare your children with other’s children. Look into what the established child behavior guidelines are for your child’s age. If a child at one is not expected to construct a full sentence, don’t expect it from your child.

When you decide whether an expectation you have for you child is reasonable, you have to be as objective as possible. Look into what the established child behavior guidelines are for your child’s age. If the established guideline is that children don’t develop full sentence speech till they are at least a year old, expecting a full sentence out of your six-month old isn’t a responsible expectation.

Children cannot be compared, and it is one of the most common mistakes parents make when they compare their child with the neighbor’s. If your child happens to be average in studies, try your best to help him improve but learn to accept it. All children are not born to be geniuses. Your child might have some other talent; look for it and develop that instead of harping on grades.

Having unreasonable expectations of your children leads you to disappointment and your children to feeling like they can’t measure up. Neither of these situations is positive and should be avoided since they tend to lead to child behavioral problems.

Of course, you must set reasonable expectations in child behavior or child discipline in different areas. After that you should formulate a set of goals and hold to them. Let your child know when he meets those expectations by rewarding him. This will help you take him further on the road to success, but at his pace, not yours.

Often times, having had the success of reaching and meeting the first expectation, your children will be able to meet that higher expectation. The biggest thing to remember is to not push your desires onto your children. If you were never good in sports but you wanted to be the star athlete of your school, to make that dream come true, don’t push your child to be a superstar against his or her will. Also, don’t force your child into athletics just because he or she is good at it. That’s placing your expectations from your past onto your children. That only creates a negative environment, child behavior problems and child discipline issues. Reasonable expectations promote growth and positive self image and are an essential parenting skill.

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Get Rid Of Temper Tantrums

If you have young children then the chances are you will have had to endure the sometimes cringe-worthy temper tantrums they sometimes throw. It can cause other people present to laugh at the sight of your child rolling around the floor screaming because they cannot fit something in a hole or because you will not let them have a sweet or be able to do something. But it is embarrassing for the parent.

The amusement from the first couple of incidences will soon turn to the parent being perplexed by the tantrums. Mainly from not being able to know what to do to prevent the child from having a tantrum or not knowing what to do to once in the throes of one.

You may have to deal with the tantrum differently when out in public or at someone else’s house. Whereas at home you may send them to their bedroom or to a quiet place, there will not be this option if at the shops or a house they are not familiar with.

Blowing your top and screaming at your child will inflame the situation and may cause your child’s tantrum to get worse! So take a deep breath and speak slowly and calmly, rather than shouting. Try to reason with your child rather than throwing your weight around, you are much bigger and they may feel intimidated.

Conversely, if you respond by being overly concerned by it, they may in the future use tantrums as a way of gaining your attention as they are going to be assured of a response or reaction from you.

It is far easier to stop the tantrum before it escalates too much then to stop a full blown one. If your child is a toddler then try to distract them and take their focus away for their source of anger.

Stick to your guns. If they are having a tantrum because you would not let them do something, the worst thing to do is to give in and then let them have it, just so that the tantrum stops. This will teach them that you will give them what they want if they misbehave.

For preschool children, taking time out or getting them to sit in the corner of a quiet room or bottom step of the stairs can be an effective way to resolve the tantrum. Make them sit there for a minute or so, not too long or they will not remember why they have been put there.

If you wish you can make older children sit there for a slightly longer time, perhaps till they have calmed down and worked out what they did wrong. This will not work for toddlers as their memory is not as developed.

Whichever method of stopping the tantrums you use, you must always explain to the child, no matter what their age, why they cannot throw a tantrum and the reasons you have told them off or made them take time out. Once your child learns that their tantrum will not get them anywhere they will soon stop them.

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Parenting Toddler Ideas

Facing up to the challenges of raising a toddler can be very difficult for many parents. Parenting a toddler can make parents feel the need for some useful ideas on how to correctly handle their child’s poor behavior. What can a parent do to effectively stop this type of negative conduct?

Parents should not overlook or neglect a child’s enraged moments, such behavior must be treated with support and affection. Observing a child’s interaction with others can help parents discover the cause of their child’s frustrations.

During the first years a toddler struggles to express his needs or feelings; therefore, making him more susceptible to tantrums. Parents need to remember that such behavior is a natural reaction when he struggles to communicate.

What are you supposed to do when your toddler is throwing a tantrum? Various individuals consider that paying no attention to a misbehaving child is the best option but others believe that a warm hug to make him feel secure is better. Being that each child is different, parents should decide the best attitude to implement.

Parenting a toddler can be frustrating at times; however, allowing a child to obtain what he wants by letting him have what he wants to stop his screaming or yelling will only make his bad conduct worse. A good alternative is to take the upset child to a soothing place to calm down.

You have to remember that you are the parent. You have to maintain control by being firm and consistent yet staying calm. Here is when patience is needed the most. Making your child feel frightened is not a good idea since this will make him hide his emotions in fear of your reaction.

It is very important to pay very close attention when parenting a toddler. It is amazing how many aggressive situations could be avoided if only parents paid attention to whats going on around their child. A tantrum usually erupts when a toddler feels invaded, ignored or hurt by someone else.

Communication is very crucial when parenting a toddler. Even at such an early age, children are capable of understanding what they can and can’t do in most places. It’s important to explain to a little one what’s going on around him so he knows what to expect and how to behave.

Remember, when parenting toddlers, love, patience, communication and understanding are crucial. Always be clear, firm and consistent in how you act with your child. Your child needs to know what his boundaries are yet that he has your love and support unconditionally.

Hari Gee has been a classroom teacher for over 20 years. For more parenting tips visit us at Parenting Toddler.